Category: Uncategorized

Earlier this morning right after Blanche the Bulldogs puppy humans had left for school Blanche headed up to her girl puppy human’s room to lie on her warm bed and watch her territory from above. Blanche is very serious about protecting her territory from invaders so when she entered her lookout room she was shocked to see an invader was not just in her territory but in her home. A stuffed pug with a strange unicorn horn and rainbow main was sitting on her soft wight chair.

Blanche had never encountered such a creature before so she didn’t attack it right away. She knew that it could possibly have some kind of defense mechanism that it would release if she tried to attack. Blanche knew that if she snuck up behind it the unipug would not be able to defend itself as well unless it had retractable spikes on its back. Blanche bravely snuck up behind the invader and prepared to make her attack.

She crouched waiting to make sure the unipug had not spotted her and then with great grace and accuracy she lunged at the unipug and sank her teeth into the back of it’s plush neck. Lucky for Blanche the unipug didn’t have retractable spikes on its back or for that matter any kind of defense at all. Blanche with the invader trotted downstairs to throw the unipug off her territory for good. But Blanches humans did not hear her whimpering at the door so she could banish the invader.

“As long as I had to wait I thought I might as well have some fun with the invader teach the nasty little creep a lesson.” Said Blanche the Bulldog when questioned. “So I gnawed on his legs as I waited for one of my humans to find me at the door.”

When Blanches humans did find her they were the opposite of pleased in fact they yelled at her for a good ten minutes. The worst of all they put the unipug the invader back in her fluffy white chair but out of her reach.  

“I will never understand humans.” Said Blanche the Bulldog. “Why would they punish you for trying to protect their territory from nasty little invaders like the unipug.”

The unipug continuous to sit on Blanches fluffy white chair just out of her reach. “I’ll get that little creature someday.” Said Blanche. “But for now I must be patient, that little invader has to come down one of these days.        

  

If you want to know all about babies I’m the pug to talk to. I know everything about babies because I have had to put up with not one but two of them! They pull your ears, rip your fur out, and grab your tail every time you walk by. They are intent on making my life as miserable as possible.(Just like sisters). The only things that got me through those dark times was the thought of them growing up and leaving, and chicken. I like chicken.

The babies that live in my house have many methods of making my life miserable. First they steal all the attention from me and my sister Loretta. Well that’s not true. Loretta still gets lots of attention from Man, but Lady is the one that gives me attention and she’s much too busy with the baby. Once they were both so busy that they forgot to let me outside, and I pooped in the kitchen.

Another way that the babies have made my life miserable is by messing up my sleep schedule. I need my rest or else I get oblivious to what’s going on around me, and Loretta can sneak up and sit on my head before I realize she’s there. The babies don’t seem to appreciate my personal problems though because they scream all through the night so I barely catch any z’s at all.

The worst thing yet about babies is that they don’t eat real food. They eat gross mushed up stuff that smells like dried fruit. Even I don’t want to eat that stuff when it drops on the floor and I’ll eat anything. (I eat it anyway though because if I do it insures I’ll make it to dinner without passing out from hunger).

As you can now see the meaning of babies is to steal all the attention from you, keep you up all night and drop food for you that probably isn’t even edible. Hopefully one day they’ll grow up and drop lot’s of chicken for me. I like chicken.

It was a bright and sunny morning at Bethany Beach Delaware (Blanche the Bulldog’s humans favorite spot to vacation) and Blanche and her grown female human were taking a nice relaxing vacation walk.

They had just arrived home when Blanche smelled something in the air that made her nose tingle. Could it be? Yes it was the smell of chicken, and it was very close. Blanches grown female human (also known as Lady Charge) made the mistake of removing Blanches harness before they entered the house. (It was a mistake for the humans anyway not for Blanche). And Blanche smelling the wonderful aroma of chicken took off in search of it.

Blanche knew she must reach the source of the wonderful chicken sent before another dog or animal got to it so she ignored her humans cries of “Come back!” or “No” and continued her run in search of the chicken sent. The sent was very close now, Blanche put her nose to the ground and sniffed. She followed her nose until she found the source of the delicious aroma. A chicken bone with some meat still on it!

To Blanche this was a miracle, it wasn’t every day that she got so lucky. (Blanche’s humans didn’t feed her very much chicken because they think it will make her quite plump). Blanche snatched up the chicken bone but she couldn’t enjoy it yet, she had to make it past her humans who had surrounded her.

“I wasn’t going to let my humans ruin my day by taking my chicken bone.” Said Blanche when questioned. So I ran as fast as I could and dogged their grabbing hands every time they lunged.”

Blanches humans chased her around and around trying to grab her. (lucky for Blanche and her humans this event occurred on a dead end street so nobody got run over). They finally did manage to grab her by the collar and remove the bone from her mouth (but after many unsuccessful tries).  

“I hate collars. Said Blanche the bulldog. “If I didn’t have this stupid thing around my neck I would have gotten to enjoy my chicken bone.”

Blanches humans took her back inside and they remembered to only remove her harness once they were inside so that this sort of incident didn’t happen more than once. (Unfortunately for Blanche).    

 

       

                 

Do you have a very unintelligent, stinky, cross eyed sibling? Or at least one who needs showing who’s boss? Well if you do I feel your pain Baby. Lucky for you the Baby Girl is an expert on showing siblings who’s boss. In fact I have to do this to pug brother every day.

Pug brother is very easy to boss around because he doesn’t have very many thoughts of his own. (Or any very good ones anyway). The Baby Girl has a pretty good idea of what’s going on inside that pugs head. “I want to eat some of my own poop, I hope dinner is soon, I like chicken.” Anyway siblings are usually not that bright so you should start showing them who’s boss right away. There are many ways of doing this, pushing your sibling off the bed, taking his favorite bone, or my personal favorite sitting on his head for extended periods of time.

You should also keep in mind while bossing your sibling that they may try to stand up to you. Pug brother has only attempted this once or twice because when he did I made sure he understood that he doesn’t get a say by sitting on his head. I recommend that if your sibling tries to stand up for themselves as well you should try the Baby Girls technique. (It worked very well on pug brother, he hasn’t ever tried to defend himself again).

As you can now see showing your sibling who in charge isn’t as hard as it may seem if you follow the Baby Girls pointers, and very soon your sibling will know who’s the boss.            

 

If you want to know all about laps I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about laps because they are one of my most favorite things in the whole world. They are not better than chicken though. I like chicken.

Laps are very comfy to lay on when you are tired after a long day of eating and waiting for food and more eating. My favorite persons lap to lay on is the Lady’s. Her lap is the best because Man is always getting up so I can never get comfy on his.

The best laps to lay on are the big ones because there is more room. I have tried laying on little laps like the small boy and girls but they are much too small for a pug like me. I have sat in many humans laps over the years and think of myself as an expert on determining which are more comfy and in my opinion bigger tends to be better when it comes to confort.

My sister Loretta knows that I love laps so that is how come she made it her mission to never let me have any lap time. Whenever I am snuggling with the Lady she jumps up on the couch pushes me aside and makes the Lady give her all of the atition. She also told me that if I snuggle with the Lady she will sit on my head for an hour as punishment. Sometimes when Loretta is not looking though the Lady lets me sit on her lap anyway.

As you can now see the meaning of laps are to be a warm, comfortable place for a pug like me to rest his head after a long day. Laps are one of the most wonderful things in the world if you ask me. But not as wonderful as chicken. I like chicken.    

 

Yesterday afternoon at 3:15 pm Loretta the Bulldog and her humans were enjoying a peaceful afternoon outside in there screened tent. Everything was well until an unexpected even occurred. A mourning Dove (the stupidest of all birds witch is really saying something) flew right into the tent!

The biggest problem with most birds is that when they fly into something like a tent or a house they can figure out how to get in but they can never seem to find their way out again. In this case this is exactly what happened. The mourning dove blindly flew into the screened side of the tent over and over desperate to find a opening to escape out of. The humans fled the tent but Loretta bravely stayed behind trying to defend her humans from this very small brained bird.

Loretta watched the bird flying repeatedly into the screen and then decided to take action. She leapt up and snatched the bird right out of the air with her mouth. She bravely carried the bird out of the tent to show her humans she had it under control but they did not react exactly as she expected.

“When I showed them I had bravely taken care of the situation instead of praising their Baby Girl they instead started hollering and running around like they were on fire.” Said Loretta when questioned. “I will never understand humans.”

Loretta’s humans removed the mourning dove from her mouth and then spent the next hour making phone calls, running around and in Loretta’s small girl human case crying her eyes out. Loretta was not given any praise or rewards for being so brave witch she found very strange. The humans spent lots of time watching the still mourning dove on the ground. When it moved slightly they cheered and when it finally flew away they hugged one another and the small girl human started to cry again.

“Humans are so strange.” Said Loretta. “You never know how they are going to react.”The tent is now safe from anymore bird surprises thanks to Loretta’s brave efforts and the humans decision to close the tent doors.

       

                 

Lots of people love to argue over which games are better but the answer is very clear baby! The best game in the world and also the only one that matters at all is Ball Game. Ball game is the Baby Girls favorite game in the whole world. Just the words ball game get me super exited. My Dad and I play it every day for 20 to 30 minutes but I could go on playing for six to eight hours, I could.

Ball game is very simple to play and also extremely fun as well. The way this wonderful game works is that my dad wheres his baseball glove and throws a tennis ball at the basement wall and when it bounces off I run after it. It may not sound like much but this is all the Baby Girl needs to have said she had an excellent day. I love this game so much that one time I had to use the facilities real bad but I was enjoying Ball Game so much I did right then and there as I was playing.

The only beings I know that appreciate Ball Game are myself and my dad. My Mom and Racky have no idea what they are missing out on. One time I did try to teach Racky the rules of Ball Game but that pug is so thick you couldn’t cut through to him with a chainsaw, and instead he decided he would rather go outside and eat his own poop as an activity.

Yes Ball game is the most wonderful game in the world. The Baby Girl will always love her Ball Game and she will cherish the wonderful moments she has had playing it. Everyone should love Ball Game including you baby, because it is clearly the only game in the world that matters!     

 

The true meaning of furniture is to serve dogs just like humans but for our butts. There are two different types of furniture, good and bad. The ones that are good will be listed below:

Bad Furniture	Good Furniture
Humans	Couch
Boxes	Bean Bags
Heater	Mats
Tables	Beds
Floor	Blankets
Cots	Big Chairs

FOLLOWING DATA MAY OR MAY NOT APPLY TO CERTAIN DOGS OR CERTAIN BREEDS AND FURNITURE MAY APPLY.

If you want to know all about sisters I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about sisters mostly because I have one named Loretta. Lots of people have asked me what the meaning of sisters is, is it to annoy you, well partly, is it to have them tease you, yes that too, is it to have them just overall make your life miserable, well yes, yes those are the meanings of sisters and I should know because I have to live with Loretta.

Loretta does her job of being a sister very well in my opinion, she is very annoying. Any time I try to get some rest she is always there reminding me who is boss by pushing me off the bed that we share. One time I tried to stand up to her I told her that I wanted to sleep and we share this bed. She wouldn’t have it though and she punished me by sitting on my head.

Loretta also teases me all the time. She teases me about my snoring not being loud enough to be qualified as a real pug. She teases me about always wanting food. Who doesn’t want food all the time?! My favorite food is chicken. I like chicken. Loretta’s all time favorite thing to tease me about is my stuffed hedgehog that I carry around all the time. I think that anyone who doesn’t carry around a stuffed animal is crazy but I think Loretta thinks the opposite of me on this matter.

Loretta makes my life miserable every time she has the chance. This is the most important rule of being a sister I believe. She makes sure everyday I get my daily time of having my head sat on, she takes all my favorite toys and bones, even my chicken flavored bone! I like chicken. And how could she forget to steal all the love from me when the Lady or the other humans are for once giving me attention.

Yes, the meaning of all sisters is to annoy, tease and make their siblings lives as miserable as possible. I still love my sister though. I also love chicken. Chicken is the best.