Category: Uncategorized

Yesterday morning at 10:30 am Blanche the Bulldog was doing her morning routine of patrolling her backyard to make sure no intruders had invaded. She was almost complete when she heard a strange squeaking coming from under the old shed at the very back of her yard. Blanche usually avoided the back shed because it smelled like dead mice but she knew she must complete her duty so she bravely trotted over to the scene to investigate the mysteries sound.  

When she arrived at the back of the shed the smell of large rodents was very strong. Blanche knew that this would be dangerous mission but she was ready to confront it in order to keep her backyard safe. She slipped under the shed to investigate what kind lowly rodents had invaded her territory.

When she was successfully under the shed the smell of the rodents was stronger than ever. It was very dark underneath but Blanche bravely carried through with her mission even without sight. Blanche carefully crawled along the soft dirt underneath the shed, following her nose to the smell of the rodents when she ran right into a family of groundhogs!

“I was definitely taken by surprise.”  Said Blanche the Bulldog when questioned. “I was expecting bunnies or voles, but being the brave and amazing protector I am I scared those clover munching scoundrels away for good.”

Blanche remained under the shed even after she had scared away the groundhogs just to be certain they would not be returning anytime soon. The one problem with this almost brilliant plan was that Blanches humans though that she was stuck under the shed because when they called to her and even tempted her with food she still didn’t budge.

“Of course I didn’t move!” Said Blanche the Bulldog. “I was fulfilling my duty, and a Bulldog as smart as me would never get stuck under a shed.”

Blanches humans didn’t believe this though because they resorted to digging her out from under there with a shovel, and then boarding up the entrance to the underside of the shed. Although the entrance to under the shed was covered and this will mean that Blanche will not be able to get rid of any invaders who decide to make the shed their home, they may not be able to get under there at all with it being covered, because like Blanche said “If a bulldog couldn’t do it nobody can.

The most important thing though, is that for now the groundhogs will not be making the shed there home and the backyard will be a safe place to be in without having to worry about groundhogs being a bother.       

     

 

                  

Most dogs would rather spend their time in a dog bed or on the coach. But not me baby, for me the most perfect place to spend my time is in a box. Any box will do for the Baby girl as long as it’s not flat and Pug Brother has not already been in it.

The Baby Girl has always loved boxes more than anything else and I have made sure to make myself very clear on this matter. Whenever my dad or mom gets a box in the mail they know just who to give it to. I have even taught the children, the small girl mostly to love boxes as much as I do. Both her and me love to climb into boxes and relax. I have taught that girl well I have, she will grow up to be a smart young lady if she already has so much sense.  

The children know I love boxes so much that one time they even made a special one just for the Baby Girl. They colored all over it with there creative little hands and it was the most beautiful box I had ever seen, because I could tell they had worked so hard on it just for the Baby Girl. I climbed right into that box, I did and it was even more wonderful on the inside then on the out ( as most boxes are). The Baby Girl will always remember that box.

The Baby Girl not only loves the look of boxes but also the smell. Cardboard is one of the most soothing scents in the world when you are trying to get to dreamland. The best of all boxes is when the owners are nice enough to put down blankets in the box so that the Baby Girl has something comfortable to rest on as she enjoys her box.

I hope that you will try relaxing in a box for a change because they really are one of the most magical places in the world. The Baby Girl will always love her boxes and you should try loving them too.       

 

 

Yesterday, Racky the pug was strolling through the basement. Everything in front of him looked like non-solid air but he was gravely mistaken. He walked right into what we have confirmed is a air wall.

Air walls are things that humans make to keep warmth, cold and dry in and to keep wet, bugs and birds out. The biggest problem when it comes to air walls is that they can not be seen. This means that if you do not know where they are you can walk right into them. They are very good for keeping a comfortable home but they are not good for running into.

The biggest problem with this particular air wall is that it is located right in the middle of the basement laundry room. Usually, air walls are only on the border of the inside and the outside so dogs have been able to know were they are and not walk right into them. Residents of the household have been told to avoid the downstairs laundry room so they do not fall captive to the air wall as well. Air walls can be very dangerous and although they have not killed any dogs they have managed to take many birds lives when they fly into them.  

Lucky for Racky the pug he did not sustain any major injuries as far as we can tell (although his brain never worked that well in the first place so we can not confirm brain damage).

Racky was not happy to have run into the air wall as he has done this many times in the past and in is very discomforting. “I hate air walls.” Said Racky when questioned. “I am always running into them, my sister says it is because I am stupid but really it is because I can not see them.” Racky was very mad at the air wall for disrupting his peaceful walk through the basement so he parked himself in front of it and barked at it for two hours perhaps trying to show it who was boss.  

The downstairs laundry room will continue to be out of bounds until the air wall is moved or moves on it’s own. (We do not believe they are alive but they are very shifty nevertheless and should not be trusted to remain in one spot) This air wall out in the open is a very mysterious event and we will continue to keep an eye on it in case it tries to claim anymore victims.  

 

 

     

 

                  

When it comes to knowing all about life I’m the guy to talk to. Lots of people have asked me what the meaning of life is. Is it love? is it friends and family? It’s none of those things as a matter of fact it’s food!  

Food is the most wonderful thing in the world. It tastes good but I wouldn’t know because I don’t have any teeth so I can’t chew, but it also makes your tummy feel nice and full. My favorite kind of food is chicken! I like chicken.

I spend lots of my time waiting for food to come. Every time someone walks by my food bowl there is a possibility that food could be coming. My sister Loretta tells me that I’m wasting my life waiting for food all day but I know she is wrong. Anything that has to do with food like waiting for it is not wasting.

There are lots of different kinds of food and all of them are good to me. I will eat any food you give me even if it is really old. I also eat things that are not food like my own poop! My favorite kind of food is chicken. I like chicken.

When there is no food in my bowl there are still other places I can get it like the kids. They drop lots of it on the ground and I like to eat it up. They don’t eat chicken though. I like chicken.

As you can now see food is the meaning of life! Food is the most wonderful thing in the world and we should all love to eat it. But we should love chicken the most. I like chicken.   

     

 

                  

A rare and amazing event occurred in the south end of the kitchen last evening at 6:30 pm. A turkey river flow, a rare and truly spectacular moment to be seen in the kitchen was spotted tumbling down the side of the counter. This kitchen wonder occurs when an especially juicy turkey is set on a slanted counter. The slight slant in the counter causes the turkeys juice to slide down the counter and tumble over the ledge and down to the floor.

This event is a beautiful thing to watch happen but it is also a truly delicious occasion as well. The turkey river is the most rare of all meat rivers. A few other types of meat flows are the chicken, beef and also hamburger, all are truly delicious but the turkey river is certainly the rarest kind of all and it is a once in a lifetime experience to see and or taste.

The Turkey river was first spotted by Blanche the Bulldog who smelled the lovely aroma that it gives off and followed the scent to the kitchen miracle. When she arrived at the sight of the flow she immediately positioned herself below the river of turkey and like any sain animal would, began to lap up the delishus flow of turkey juice.

“I have never tasted something as extraordinary as this turkey flow.” Said Blanche the Bulldog when questioned. “It was a once and a lifetime experience but I am lucky not to live with any other dogs so I had it all to myself.”

The flow lasted for a little over two hours and was stopped when one of the owners of the household put the turkey in the refrigerator. It was a truly amazing event for those who witnessed it, and the wonderful scent of the turkey river flow still lingers in the air around the far south cabinet where this miracle occurred.